Congratulations to everyone who participated in the Pun Also Rises Contest.
The entries were narrowed down to 25 semifinalists. From these, John Pollack, author of The Pun Also Rises: How the Humble Pun Revolutionized Language, Changed History, and Made Wordplay More Than Some Antics, selected the following winners:
First Place:
A Fishy Subject
by Galen Bratt (Vancouver, Canada)
"Calling all Gars! Calling all Gars! - came over the speaker. It was going to be one of those nights. Public Anemone Number 1 was at it again, I thought. My partner and I knew he was in deep for immoral porpoises, loan sharking, and musseling into others' territories. We have floundered for years to net him in action. Mind you, if we did, it would be a long time before we could get him a herring before a judge. We all want to get him on death roe. Damn the Codfather to Hell.
Runners-up:
Gouda To Grated: Why Some Companies Become Big Cheeses and Others Don't
by Lisa Safran (Randolph, NJ)
Gouda is the enemy of grated. The vast majority of companies never become grated, precisely because they become quite gouda -- and that is vein main problem. But why is it that, in our cultured society, we are willing to settle for mediocrity in our dairy lives? In this national best smeller, author Jim Collins slices into the hard and semi-soft of achieving grate-ness in business so you can decide what to fondue to change your status. Gouda to Grated will remind you that you are not provolone and that with the right slicing tools you can goat for it!
Catch 22
by Gabrielle Clover (Turramurra, Australia)
‘Stop swimming against the current, I’m not your anemone’ said the Psychiatrist.
‘I’m a shell of a person,’ replied Yossarian.
‘Are you shore? You look fine and sandy,’
‘It’s sink or swim’
‘Stop whaling on me. Put your complaint into whiting.
‘I did, they said they’d mullet over, I’m waiting with baited breath.’
'If you're fishing for a mental discharge, you're clearly in tuna with yourself. Only the insane would wade out this war.’
‘Cant you sea? It’s catch 22, my sanity is a rod for my own back. Is there no Cod?'
Unce Tom's Cabbin'
by Adam Weissman (New York, NY)
My uncle Tom enjoyed his bachelor's party. We were happy to see him graduate. Afterward, he got smashed by a gentleman's club! The monocled attacker came out of nowhere. My poor uncle, three months late on his rent. Getting back to Brooklyn, before the son rised (and alerted Tom's wife) would probably require some cabbin' TLC. The underground railroad? It was eMpTy, "yAy!" ...As for B, D, and Q? They were F'd. Forgot their metrocards. Meanwhile, penniless Tom thought he could discover another way home. Sadly, the driver would only accept AMEX. Tom yearned the comfort of a gentleman's club.
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