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The Mistress's Daughter: A Memoir

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The "fierce and eloquent" ( New York Times ) memoir from A.M Homes, award-winning author of May We Be Forgiven and the forthcoming novel The Unfolding

The acclaimed writer A. M. Homes was given up for adoption before she was born. Her biological mother was a twenty-two-year-old single woman who was having an affair with a much older married man with a family of his own. The Mistress's Daughter is the ruthlessly honest account of what happened when, thirty years later, her birth parents came looking for her. Homes relates how they initially made contact and what happened afterwards, and digs through the family history of both sets of her parents in a twenty-first-century electronic search for self. Daring, heartbreaking, and startlingly funny, Homes's memoir is a brave and profoundly moving consideration of identity and family.

"A compelling, devastating, and furiously good book written with an honesty few of us would risk." —Zadie Smith 

"I fell in love with it from the first page and read compulsively to the end." —Amy Tan

238 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

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About the author

A.M. Homes

62 books1,305 followers
A.M. Homes is the author of the novels, The Unfolding, May We Be Forgiven, which won the 2013 Women's Prize for Fiction, This Book Will Save Your Life, Music For Torching, The End of Alice, In a Country of Mothers, and Jack, as well as the short-story collections, Things You Should Know and The Safety of Objects, the travel memoir, Los Angeles: People, Places and The Castle on the Hill, and the artist's book Appendix A: An Elaboration on the Novel the End of Alice.

In April of 2007 Viking published her long awaited memoir, The Mistress's Daughter, the story of the author being "found" by her biological family, and a literary exploration and investigation of identity, adoption and genealogical ties that bind.

Her work has been translated into eighteen languages and appears frequently in Art Forum, Harpers, Granta, McSweeney's, The New Yorker, The New York Times, and Zoetrope. She is a Contributing Editor to Vanity Fair, Bomb and Blind Spot.

She has been the recipient of numerous awards including Fellowships from the John Simon Guggenheim Foundation, the National Endowment for the Arts, NYFA, and The Cullman Center for Scholars and Writers at The New York Public Library, along with the Benjamin Franklin Award, and the Deutscher Jugendliteraturpreis.

In addition she has been active on the Boards of Directors of Yaddo, The Fine Arts Work Center In Provincetown, The Writers Room, and PEN-where she chairs both the membership committee and the Writers Fund. Additionally she serves on the Presidents Council for Poets and Writers.

A.M. Homes was a writer/producer of the hit television show The L Word in 2004-2005 and wrote the adaptation of her first novel JACK, for Showtime. The film aired in 2004 and won an Emmy Award for Stockard Channing. Director Rose Troche's film adaptation of The Safety of Objects was released in 2003, and Troche is currently developing In A Country of Mothers as well. Music For Torching is in development with director Steven Shainberg with a script by Buck Henry, and This Book Will Save Your Life is in Development with Stone Village Pictures.

Born in Washington D.C., she now lives in New York City.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 644 reviews
Profile Image for Orsodimondo.
2,265 reviews2,135 followers
November 3, 2021
NON È UN PAESE PER MADRI

description
A.M.Homes da piccola

Romanzo memoir, romanzo diario, romanzo verità, romanzo inchiesta, autobiografia…: romanzo.
In originale il titolo è “La figlia dell’amante”.

Una giovane scrittrice, adottata alla nascita, riceve una telefonata dall’avvocato della madre biologica e viene informata che la donna la sta cercando, vuole incontrarla e conoscerla. Per la prima volta.
E quindi la figlia è la scrittrice protagonista, l’Io narrante, la stessa Amy Michael Homes: l’altra è la madre biologica, quella che l’ha partorita, non quella che l’ha cresciuta, quella che lei ha chiamato mamma per tutta la vita.
La storia che precede è tra quelle più classiche: relazione extraconiugale tra uomo maturo, sposato, con figli, e ragazza molto giovane, sua impiegata – la storia dura fino al punto in cui lei rimane incinta – a quel punto lui chiude, e sparisce – la giovane mamma partorisce, ma lascia la neonata in adozione perché non può reggere l’onere di tenerla con sé e farla crescere. La coppia che adotta la bimba ha perso un figlio naturale sei mesi prima.

description

Homes ha una ferita ancora aperta che si sente in tutte le sue opere: ha rabbia dentro (a chip on her shoulder) e poca empatia per i suoi personaggi. E adesso, probabilmente, sappiamo perché.

Ma forse perché in materia d’adozione sono personalmente coinvolto, mi sarei aspettato molto di più su un aspetto della vita così poco esplorato, così particolare e delicato.
Non solo: visto che è dichiaratamente la storia personale della scrittrice, avrei gradito un approccio più documentaristico, meno da letteratura di genere: la vicenda è ‘forte’ senza bisogna di addensare ombre e calcare i toni.
È comunque, tra quelli che ho letto, il suo libro migliore, secondo me.

PS
Il titolo del mio commento è un riferimento al romanzo della stessa Homes In a Country of Mothers pubblicato nel 1993 e non ancora tradotto in italiano.

description
Una giovanissima Kristen Stewart (10 anni) nel film La sicurezza degli oggetti regia di Rose Troche, adattamento dell’omonima raccolta di racconti di A.M.Homes. Nel cast Glenn Close, Patricia Clarke, Dermot Mulroney, Joshua Jackson, Timothy Olyphant, Mary Kay Place
Profile Image for Kim.
286 reviews834 followers
October 12, 2009
Have you ever had one moment, one fleeting moment when you thought ‘I wonder if I’m adopted?’ Maybe some of you have had more than one of these ruminations, or maybe some of you have been adopted and wonder what your biological parents could do for you that your adopted ones have failed to or…. Maybe some of you come from a blue collar, somewhat dysfunctional, totally unhealthy suburban family with a pool and stray dogs and overly wrought holidays with extended family that sure make you wish for that adoption story to be true.
Maybe.

What A.M. Holmes does for the reader here is bring to light those thoughts and questions that you may think that you think but you would never, ever say out loud. And bless her for using her own experiences to do so.

At the age of 31, she is told that her birth mother wants to contact her. Now, she’s known all along that she was adopted and has been fine with that. She was raised by a somewhat normal, Jewish family in D.C and was able to attend college and grow up and be a writer and live in New York City… basically a dream for a lot of people on this site.

Now imagine being put in the position of knowing your biological roots. As she says ‘How could I not know?’ I think when we play the adoption story out in our heads, we tend to create this perfect family, the ones that get all your quirky literary references, the ones that you can debate current events with and that won’t embarrass you in restaurants by asking for ketchup to pour on their noodles. You know, the Keatons from Family Ties or Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird (yeah, I’m still working out Daddy issues on that one)

What you don’t really think is that you’re going to get a psychotic mom with fatherly figure issues and a washed up jock of a father who’s twice your mom’s age and enjoys fondling the cone cupped bra of a 15 yr old in the late ‘50s. But, what did you really think would happen? You were put up for adoption after all.

This memoir relives the 12 or so years after she contacts her birth parents. She has to run interference with her birth mom and her adopted mom at one of her readings, she has to meet her Dad in 3 star hotel lobbies and wonder if he’s just reliving the glory days of having a mistress and figuring out ways to fuck her. She endures numerous phone calls from her mother telling her that she has been a shadow of a person since she let her go and then deal with her Dad not acknowledging her to his ‘real’ family. All this and more. Yikes. At least it’s good writing material, suffer for your art, beyotch. (okay, I didn’t really mean that Ms. Holmes, I greatly admire your writing…)

The memoir isn’t a difficult read, mostly because Homes is a good writer. Her insights and her ability to conjure up images that make you say ‘A-ha’ is why I’ll continue to read her stuff. And for lines like these:

To be adopted is to be adapted, to be amputated and sewn back together again. Whether or not you regain full function, there will always be scar tissue.


And

I am a thirty-two-year old woman sitting across from my mother and she is blind. Invisibility is the thing I live in fear of. I implode, folding like origami. I try to speak but I have no words. My response is primitive, before language, before cognition—the memory of the body.

I think that there are parts of the book that we could live without; what I assume are her musings/rantings/ log of questions in deposition form to her father: “How would you describe yourself, Mr. Hecht? Is there more to you than that—than just a retired businessman? What is your identity, Mr. Hecht? Did you always know who you were? Do you think you’re an average man? Has anyone ever called you a big shot? Ever try Viagra? Why did your paternal grandmother carry a gun?” This goes on for 16 pages. I see how she needed to get this out, but I felt that I could skim over this and be okay with it.

Another part that I felt dragged was her quest for her ancestry. We sit and watch as she pours through onion skinned paper court documents and miles of microfiche. I think she wanted us to experience her pain and the torture that is researching, googling, signing up for DNA tests online, figuring out where you belong in the world. Consider this accomplished.

So, this whole nature vs. nuture thing? What do you think? I think that there are credible examples that work on both sides. Are we nothing but a product of our bloodlines and we are doomed to our genetic history or are we what we are made up through personal experiences, life lessons, our environment. Or is it all just a bunch of hullabaloo?
Profile Image for Rebecca.
3,795 reviews3,127 followers
August 5, 2016
This grew out of a New Yorker article Homes published about meeting her biological parents in her early 30s. Her mother carried on an affair with her married boss, starting when she was just a teenager – Homes learned that she was the mistress’s daughter. This is the story of how her birth mother tried to get involved in her life, in a really rather stalker-ish way, and the occasional contact she had from her birth father. The blow-by-blow gets a little boring, especially when it’s Homes and her father only communicating via lawyers. I thought the final two chapters felt particularly tacked on, and I didn’t know whether the question-only version of a deposition was authentic or imagined. Homes doesn’t really make much of a contribution to the literature of adoption, though this is a pleasant enough read. “I am an amalgam. I will always be something glued together, something slightly broken. … I see now that I am a product of each of my family narratives—some more than others. But in the end it is all four threads that twist and rub against one another, the fusion and friction combining to make me who and what I am.”
Profile Image for Kimberly Steele.
Author 12 books70 followers
October 9, 2009
The Mistress's Daughter was an important book for me. I am grateful for its publication and that's not something I would say easily. I am an adoptee and I can empathize (unfortunately) with A.M. Homes journey on a variety of levels. Mistress may have its detractors but if you're not an adoptee, or if you ARE an adoptee but maybe everything about adoption is just hunky-dorey for you, you're just not going to get it.

Homes perfectly describes the surreal feeling of going through your life having "another mother" out there, lurking in the shadows. She is one of the few adoptee writers who hasn't shrunken back in cowardice from the vitriolic emotions that being adopted inevitably tows along in its wake. Believe me, she's not the only adoptee who has found out her birthmother is distant/crazy/emotionally retarded. It took serious guts to share her honest, no-holds-barred story of how it all went down.

There's a kind of anger that only adoptees can understand and Homes taps right into the vein. The uplifting part of it all (and the healing part for me) is that she didn't let her anger turn her into a monster or an idiot. Call this book whiny if you will, but if you haven't experienced being asked the Question: "Have you ever found your 'real' parents?" then you can't possibly guess how important Home's voice is compared to other adoption memoirs out there.




Profile Image for Lori.
266 reviews25 followers
January 11, 2012
I wanted to like this book but I actually hated it, and only finished it because I read it for book club. It's an odd amalgam of three kinds of books, actually: a very whiny memoir, a bit about the author's extended family and modern day genealogy, and a piece about the author's grandmother. I'm surprised I made it through the first part, the very whiny memoir, because I read it with my jaw dropped and in a state of often-infuriated shock. Poor her, she was adopted into a lovely family and when she was an adult, her birth mother got in touch with her. This could've been a fascinating exploration of identity issues, and what it means to be related, and what it means to fit. Instead, the author goes on and on, poor me, poor me, poor poor me...to the point of feeling uplifted and validated by the movie Schindler's List because what those people went through is equal to what she's feeling. REALLY?? At that point my dislike for the author and her whining shifted to outrage, and I never really recovered. She has a pathological need to compare her experience to huge tragedies.

The rest of the book was definitely filtered through my keen dislike of the author, but I found it hard to believe that the book was allowed to be published in this form. It's a Frankenbook, cobbled together and lacking much cohesion other than the author's whining voice.

Ugh. I'm primarily just thrilled to be finished with it, and thrilled that I did spend any more time or money on it than I had to. I won't be keeping this book, and I hope I don't remember it for long.
Profile Image for Hilleri.
10 reviews1 follower
February 1, 2008
This was a fast read for me and I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to read about the complexities of adoption. I still struggle with my definition of what a family is and how I fit in. A.M. Homes experience's gave me great comfort and I hope she writes more on adoption issues in the future.

Review by: Nancy J. Mumford
I read this book in about 3 hours in one sitting and was absolutely fascinated. Rather than being a typical story of an adopted child who rediscovers her wonderful birth parents, A.M. Homes is truthful about her fears and the emotional roller coaster this information sends her on. Her relationships with her newly discovered biological parents are unsatisfying for various reasons and she struggles with her feelings and definition of what a family is. I thought the book offered a very interesting perspective and was well done. Recommended!
Profile Image for Kevin.
Author 34 books35.5k followers
December 3, 2008
Sometimes I read books by authors I like with a generous mindset. When I first started Homes's memoir I was enjoying it pretty well. Then I talked with a friend who teaches memoir writing and she told me that she really hated this book. She listed a few reasons (victimy narration, dull details, the funny way that Homes never really talks about her own mistakes) and told me I should read Another Bullshit Night and Stop Time instead. Thanks, Debra!
When I returned to The Mistress's Daughter after this discussion, I could see all the weird obnoxious things that were pointed out. There were a few fun moments here and there but yeah, my opinion of the book kind of plummeted. I don't really like giving bad reviews of books but I had to give this what it deserved. I like her fiction though.
Profile Image for Melissa.
43 reviews12 followers
May 23, 2012
I have never read anything else written by Homles but was interested in this book because I gave up a baby for adoption 18 years ago. I thought this book might help me understand what my biological daughter is going through and it did help in that way. I like the way she writes and the story was good but I could not stand the middle part of the book where she goes on & on & on & on about the genealogy of her family. It is completly boring and doesn't really add to the story, she could have summed that up in a paragraph. Overall if you have been involved in adoption I would say it is a good, interesting read. I do like that it was a quick read too.
Profile Image for Carrie Cahill Mulligan.
14 reviews6 followers
January 15, 2021
One of the best adoptee memoirs I’ve ever read. Direct writing about the sideways, upside-down, life-changing turmoil of adoption reunion, as well as the complicated feelings of what it’s like to be an adopted person, of two families, yet not truly belonging to either.

I marked over 200 passages in this 238 page book, feeling seen & understood (as a fellow adoptee who has also been reunited/rejected) at every point.

I could not recommend this book more!
Profile Image for Sarah Coller.
Author 2 books24 followers
August 2, 2017
I'm really surprised by how much I related to this memoir---like scarily so. I received this in a BookCrossing bookbox and dismissed it several times before deciding to give it a try. Weirdly, it was almost calling out to me to read it. I'm so glad I did---I devoured it in one afternoon. It didn't really solve or fix anything for me...just got me thinking and contemplating about my past and family stuff that I don't process through as much as I should.

Homes's memoir brings to mind so many thoughts on identity and the gut-born desire to be truly known. This passage resonated with me:

"I grew up convinced that every family was better than mine...I would hover on the edge, knowing that however much they include you--invite you to dinner, take you on family trips--you are never official, you are always the 'friend', the first one left behind."

That's exactly how I felt after my parents' divorce---the unwanted stepkid on both sides. Both parents tried to make me a part of their twisted new "family units" but I was already a part of only one family unit---the one they'd divided.

I was not adopted but I relate to so much of this story. We have in common the messed up desire to please lousy parents---to perform and hope they'll find us good enough to let into the selfish world they shut us out of. (My mom is a much different person now than she was in the years just after her divorce and she's an important part of my life now.) I don't often think back on the hard years but this story reminded me of that vulnerable girl who was looking to be loved and cared for by those who couldn't get past themselves to do it properly.

I thought of my dad when the author said after hearing her mother was sick, "I was so busy protecting myself from her that I didn't...(recognize) the trouble she was in." It's a messed up world when this is the relationship one has with her parent(s).

Cleaning up the home after her mother's death she says, "This is not how (she) would have wanted to have been presented---but this is who she is and what she left behind." This makes me think of my dad's mom who was estranged from us until the last few years of her life. This is how I felt after her death and I wondered if I was the only one in the whole world who even semi-mourned her. I mourned the "could have been" rather than the "was".

So there you go...a look into my guts. Probably won't see another one for awhile. Maybe I need to go back to the Aunt Dimitys...
Profile Image for Guillermo Jiménez.
463 reviews312 followers
August 9, 2013
Recuerdo estar en la cocina con mi abuela materna, cuando una mañana
le pregunté de dónde venía ella. Seguía siendo aún adolescente y eran
rarísimas las ocasione que recordaba me interesaba por la historia
familiar.

De papá tenía una idea general, un poco de su infancia, algo de su
juventud, muy poco de su vida adulta. De mamá había más de donde
cortar, pero, aún así no me quedaba claro de dónde diablos venía yo.

Fue la primera vez que me interesé por la vida de los demás.

Después, fueron muchas más las charlas en una mesa, escuchando con
toda la atención de que fuera capaz, lo que alguien más pudiera
contarme.

Por algún motivo casi todas las que me platicaron sus historias fueron
mujeres. Han sido mujeres.

Desde doctoras nacidas en México, D. F., hasta grandes madres
provenientes de Tampico. Mi madre misma que nación en Torreón,
Coahuila, o mi abuela paterna que creció en Matamoros, Coahuila.

Homes, una de mis autoras predilectas, hace lo suyo indagando todo lo
posible sobre su origen. Se remonta hasta archivos, genealogías vía
web; cartea a medio mundo y pregunta todo lo que puede a toda persona
que sienta que le puede aportar algo en su búsqueda.

Su búsqueda por un yo que a más informació y datos se obtiene, se va
emborronando más en la realidad.

Somos personas que nos construímos en el día a día, y que
desaparecemos cuando morimos.

Dos, tres generaciones no significamos nada más para nadie más. Salvo
en registros, documentos, papeles que pierden todo sentido, hasta que
alguien decide que no es así.

La búsqueda de Homes termina siendo eso: una búsqueda de que tantos
relatos no se pierdan, ¿por qué nos olvidamos de los nuestros? ¿de
nuestras historias? ¿de lo que ayudó a que existiéramos?

La parte en que imagina un interrogatorio su padre biológico es
desgarradora. Todas las preguntas que ya no formuló. Todas las
preguntas que me imaginó algún día me hará Emilia, o algún otro de los
hijos que tendré.

La paternidad. La maternidad.

Homes decide finalmente tener un hijo, una hija. De ella. Opta por no
adoptar. Fuerte.

Un texto tremendo, bien contado, una estructura suprema, que te lleva
a buen puerto después de un gran paseo por aguas a ratos en calma, a
ratos braveadas.
Profile Image for Andrew Marshall.
Author 32 books54 followers
February 7, 2014
What happens when you're adopted and your biological parents get in touch?

The answer is it blows your life apart and you have to slowly piece together a new version of yourself. Reading the book will quite possibly have a similar effect on you because it makes you realise how much our behaviour impacts on other people and often for years and years into the future. (In this case, the affair of a married man and his mistress which resulted in the birth of AM Homes and complicated his life, his wife's his other children's, his mistresses and so many more people for forty plus years). It will also makes you ask questions about the meaning and life and why things happen. Quite appropriately, the book starts with a quote from Albert Einstein 'There are two ways to live your life - one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle.'

At the half way point, I had to stop reading and phone a friend to talk and make sense of the profound thoughts and feelings I was experiencing. It is that powerful.

However, part two is disappointing. Homes gets bogged down in researching the family history of her father which is quite possibly the most boring chapter ever. I skipped big chunks. There is some equally dull chapters but it perks up at the end but, unlike the first half where Homes holds nothing back, we are given glimpses of her new life rather than enough information to make sense of what came before.
15 reviews
March 27, 2007
A.M. Homes is one of my longtime absolute favorites - she writes such great, strange stuff involving disturbingly unique characters like I've never seen. This is a departure... of sorts... for her. It's her memoir, apparently sprung at least in part from a 2004 New Yorker essay about her first encounters with her biological parents. Not so surprisingly, in her life she has history with some bizarre characters and circumstances, but certainly retains hope and beauty as well... perhaps more so than her novels? Dunno... that's arguable. I very much enjoyed this read, but in the middle the minutia of details about adoption got a bit heavy, and she provided her lineage and family tree in great, great detail. Not enough to take away from the story, but just enough that some folks might want to skip around this, or worse, give up. That said, is certainly does give perspective to the process and effects for everyone involved.
I recommend this, but maybe for passionate Homes fans, memoir fans, or certainly anyone with a history of or strong interest in adoption.
1 review
May 22, 2007
I thought this book was very whiny. Here is a young talented woman who has a very loving adopted family and all we see is that she wants to be loved by her birth parents. When she is rejected by her father, instead of getting over it, she tries to make herself loved. Someone needs to tell her that it isn't always about her. There are factors outside of herself that makes him act as he does. The man does not change. Also , she is overwhelmed by her birth mother to the point that she tries to back off. Sounds like her father to me.

I can understand her desire to know her roots. She does pursue this and the fact that she was adopted seems to have little effect or consequence here. She finally comes to the realization that her adoptive family has had a permanent effect on her as well.

I am not sure there is a story here. I did read the book through, but after that I did not feel as though I came away with any great insight. It was disappointing.
Profile Image for Angelina.
77 reviews
July 9, 2009
This was boring. A.M. Homes whined and acted immaturely throughout the entire memoir. She is frustrating and unsympathetic. A.M. Homes has some abandonment issues she tried to work out through this memoir but it is not a journey you want to take with her. She is whines far too much and acts immature. She shuns her birth-mother and seems to have quite a bit of hostility and annoyance toward her. She won't see her or call her and mocks her insecurities. Yet, Homes will stop at nothing to please her birth-father. I was disappointed in this book and had to force myself to power though it. Don't bother reading it.
Profile Image for Haley Radke.
10 reviews3 followers
May 15, 2021
Read in one day! I loved this adoptee memoir. It expresses so much familiar angst that I identify with - the two worlds adopted people can be expected to live in. Nature vs. Nurture. I appreciated the honesty in which A.M. Homes writes (including thoughts of GSA) about the difficulties in dealing with challenging mother figures. Very relatable, not the usual "sunshine and roses" happy reunion story. Homes is extremely witty with quips here and there that made me actually LOL - "I was adopted, purchased, ordered, and picked up like a cake from a bakery" (page 15). Her acknowledgment of adoptees' rights to identity and heritage was strong and unwavering.
Profile Image for Julz.
111 reviews7 followers
April 14, 2007
I found this book interesting, because unlike most adoption reunion tomes, it focused on an adoptee being found by a biological parent. While the author's story is far more dramatic and negative than mine, it came closer than most of what I've read to reflecting the complex reality I've experienced.
Profile Image for Marcy Dermansky.
Author 7 books29k followers
Read
November 21, 2019
Memoirs are so strange to me. Here are writers, laying out their lives for you to read. This is me. As a writer of fiction, I wonder why do it? Where do you get to hide? How do your protect your family. Maybe it is the book that needs to be written. Maybe to make the money. The story of A.M. Homes finding her adoptive parents is incredibly fascinating, but it's funny. Because this book is a memoir, I felt like too much information was being withheld. I felt like the author was actually trying to protect her privacy and because this was a memoir, that isn't quite fair. I remember reading A.M. stories, right out college, and they blew me away, were stories that I wanted to write. It could just be that I am a fiction junkie.
Profile Image for H.A. Leuschel.
Author 5 books279 followers
March 21, 2023
'What becomes clear is that all of this is about narrative - the story told.'
Overall a brilliant account about how the author faced the sudden appearance of her biological parents in her life when she was 31 and how it affected her. Her writing is as always sharp and deeply thoughtful.
41 reviews
May 11, 2011
In my opinion, this is a poorly written memoir. Book two contains a few poetic fantasies, that are imagined truths. What I really disliked about this memoir is the lack of action, empathy, and understanding. Homes starts off her memoir with this crazed fantasy of her birth parents, especially her birth mother. When her birth mother doesn't live up to her expectations, AM seems to shun her. She asks herself a few times if her father would have bothered to contacted her if she wasn't this important figure, but guess what Ms. Homes, you shunned your mother for not being important also. I guess it's genetic. I also find it grossly detestable that she'd actually meet with her father but not with her mother. Her father blatantly tells her that he used her biological mother for sex, but somehow Homes still wants a relationship with him. Why? Because he's established? Ms. Homes, would you want to meet his family if he had been supporting them by flipping burgers at a McDonald's? Another issue is that Ms. Homes never bothers to confront her needy biological mother, but waits till she dies alone to start browsing the web on her biological lineage. This memoir is based on so many assumptions and so many unanswered questions. It has some useless details about people she'd done research on. Basically, she waits too long to find things out, and in the end she writes about how she assumes everything happened. The tone that I got was, "I was the baby, and you abandoned me, so I will punish you." Which, yea. Your biological parents did abandon you. But, it seems like your adoptive parents gave you a way better life. Also, the author sounds vindictive, the writing is choppy. If you find a used copy for like a dollar, sure spend the money. Other than that, go to the library.
Profile Image for Dolceluna ♡.
1,141 reviews66 followers
August 5, 2017
All’età di trent’anni la scrittrice americana A.M.Homes viene contattata dalla madre naturale, che non ha mai conosciuto, e viene catapultata, in maniera improvvisa e non poco traumatica, in un’esistenza parallela nella quale cerca di capire chi è veramente, e quali sono le sue vere radici. “La figlia dell’altra” è il resoconto di questa ricerca, un romanzo autobiografico nel quale si respira dall’inizio alla fine quell’aria di frammentarietà, smarrimento, sradicamento e sofferenza che respira la stessa protagonista, bramosa di sapere, di conoscere, di tessere rapporti e ricevere affetti, cosa che, dal ramo naturale, non riuscirà ad avere totalmente: le resterà un’ombra che si porterà dietro per tutta la vita. Da lettrice posso dire che il romanzo non è nulla di che, forse più coinvolgente all’inizio, quando l’autrice riceve la notizia che le cambia l’esistenza, un po’ più sfumato e confuso verso la fine, quando riporta le domande di avvocati e legali nei quali si imbatte nel suo percorso. In compenso ha il suo interesse per il tema importante che sa trattare.
Profile Image for Kelly B.
139 reviews29 followers
January 5, 2014
The Mistress's Daughter is a memoir about the author and her search for identity. A.M. Homes was adopted at birth, and is caught by surprise when her birth mom contacts her years later.

Much of the book centers around the author's conflicting feelings about her identity and what it means to belong to a family. There's also a fair amount of geneology in the second half of the book. I found it interesting, but readers looking for a story more about adoption and the birth parents may find it boring.

I would love to know what Ms. Homes birth family thinks about this book. She's unflinchingly honest about her experiences with them.
Profile Image for Elizabeth .
202 reviews6 followers
February 10, 2018
Through some coincidence or synchronicity, I keep having books written by women who were adopted as infants come my way. This is like a companion piece to "Why Be Happy When You Can Be Normal?" Both have been good for this adoptive mother to read.
Interesting story and well told, with a path through genealogy that is great if you like that sort of thing. Two different ancestry searches simultaneously illustrated her situation beautifully. (Though I did skim through a bit of that part, which was very detailed.)
Other reviews complain that she was whiney. Yes, she takes us deep inside her interior where there is whining. To me it just seemed like she was real.
Profile Image for Sarah.
343 reviews42 followers
February 3, 2008
Self-indulgent. And (/Because, let's not be shy) I still haven't really forgiven her for "The End of Alice." If you kill someone for the sake of Art, they're still dead, you pretentiously gender-neutral prat.
Profile Image for Kate.
Author 9 books238 followers
Read
April 23, 2017
Love the first half, bogged down in the second half. Overall, though, she gave me insights into what it feels like to be adopted.
Profile Image for Bonnie.
1,337 reviews
August 23, 2018
I wrote a review and lost it so here goes again. I really enjoyed this book more than I expected. On TV you see all these adoptees who find a wonderful biological family that welcomes them with open arms but what about all the others?
Ms. Homes does a great job here sharing a story of a biological father who is a real jerk in all ways and a biological mother who was taken advantage of at a young age by an older man who only cared about himself and what he wanted at the moment. Let’s not judge her, we have all done foolish things at that age. Some of us are lucky and some pay dearly.

I loved the info that the Mormon church baptizes dead people to increase their numbers. I had never heard of this before. I googled it and this is a fact. (The dead people have a choice whether to accept this or not) so democratic of the Mormons! Amazing.

I think some people judged this book harshly bc of the comments about the DAR group. Our country is so polarized at this time that if you say anything about any group, you lose half of your audience but since I agree with her, it didn’t affect my score of this book.
I loved the chapter on the Deposition, it provided a chuckle or too in an otherwise serious book.
I think the author was so lucky to be adopted to the family who were lucky to receive her. She was much better off without her troubled mother and her jerk biological father.
Be kind to your children, they might grow up to be writers.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for julieta.
1,210 reviews28.2k followers
July 1, 2017
So maybe I found this book a little too depressing, but I absolutely agree it is a necessary book to write. I think I found it depressing especially for the relationship she has with her natural parents, all that mess and rejection. But the thoughts that come from family are good ones, the narrative of families, so there is some good thoughts, but I found myself wondering why I was reading this book, and that is never a good thing to think.
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