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The Tender Bar: A Memoir
In the grand tradition of landmark memoirs - a classic American story of self-invention and escape, of the fierce love between a single mother and an only son, it's also a moving portrait of one boy's struggle to become a man, and an unforgettable depiction of how men remain, at heart, lost boys.
J.R. Moehringer grew up captivated by a voice. It was the voice of his father, a New York City disc jockey who vanished before J.R. spoke his first word. Sitting on the stoop, pressing an ear to the radio, J.R. would strain to hear in that plummy baritone the secrets of masculinity and identity. Though J.R.'s mother was his world, his rock, he craved something more, something faintly and hauntingly audible only in The Voice.
At eight years old, suddenly unable to find The Voice on the radio, J.R. turned in desperation to the bar on the corner, where he found a rousing chorus of new voices. Cops and poets, bookies and soldiers, movie stars and stumblebums, all sorts of men gathered in the bar to tell their stories and forget their cares. The alphas along the bar—including J.R.'s Uncle Charlie, a Humphrey Bogart look-alike; Colt, a Yogi Bear sound-alike; and Joey D, a softhearted brawler—took J.R. to the beach, to ballgames, and ultimately into their circle. They taught J.R., tended him, and provided a kind of fatherhood-by-committee.
Torn between the stirring example of his mother and the lurid romance of the bar, J.R. tried to forge a self somewhere in the center. But when it was time for J.R. to leave home, the bar became an increasingly seductive sanctuary, a place to return and regroup during his picaresque journeys—from his grandfather's tumbledown house to the hallowed towers and spires of Yale; from his absurd stint selling housewares at Lord & Taylor to his dream job at the New York Times, which became a nightmare when he found himself a faulty cog in a vast machine. Time and again the bar offered shelter from failure, rejection, heartbreak--and eventually from reality.
In the grand tradition of landmark memoirs, The Tender Bar is suspenseful, wrenching, and achingly funny. A classic American story of self-invention and escape, of the fierce love between a single mother and an only son, it's also a moving portrait of one boy's struggle to become a man, and an unforgettable depiction of how men remain, at heart, lost boys.
J.R. Moehringer grew up captivated by a voice. It was the voice of his father, a New York City disc jockey who vanished before J.R. spoke his first word. Sitting on the stoop, pressing an ear to the radio, J.R. would strain to hear in that plummy baritone the secrets of masculinity and identity. Though J.R.'s mother was his world, his rock, he craved something more, something faintly and hauntingly audible only in The Voice.
At eight years old, suddenly unable to find The Voice on the radio, J.R. turned in desperation to the bar on the corner, where he found a rousing chorus of new voices. Cops and poets, bookies and soldiers, movie stars and stumblebums, all sorts of men gathered in the bar to tell their stories and forget their cares. The alphas along the bar—including J.R.'s Uncle Charlie, a Humphrey Bogart look-alike; Colt, a Yogi Bear sound-alike; and Joey D, a softhearted brawler—took J.R. to the beach, to ballgames, and ultimately into their circle. They taught J.R., tended him, and provided a kind of fatherhood-by-committee.
Torn between the stirring example of his mother and the lurid romance of the bar, J.R. tried to forge a self somewhere in the center. But when it was time for J.R. to leave home, the bar became an increasingly seductive sanctuary, a place to return and regroup during his picaresque journeys—from his grandfather's tumbledown house to the hallowed towers and spires of Yale; from his absurd stint selling housewares at Lord & Taylor to his dream job at the New York Times, which became a nightmare when he found himself a faulty cog in a vast machine. Time and again the bar offered shelter from failure, rejection, heartbreak--and eventually from reality.
In the grand tradition of landmark memoirs, The Tender Bar is suspenseful, wrenching, and achingly funny. A classic American story of self-invention and escape, of the fierce love between a single mother and an only son, it's also a moving portrait of one boy's struggle to become a man, and an unforgettable depiction of how men remain, at heart, lost boys.
416 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2005
About the author
J.R. Moehringer
12 books946 followersJ.R. Moehringer is an American journalist and author. Born in New York City and raised in Manhasset, New York, he is a former national correspondent for the Los Angeles Times.
A 1986 graduate of Yale University, Moehringer began his journalism career as a news assistant at The New York Times.
He won the Pulitzer Prize for Feature Writing in 2000.
A 1986 graduate of Yale University, Moehringer began his journalism career as a news assistant at The New York Times.
He won the Pulitzer Prize for Feature Writing in 2000.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 3,621 reviews
September 28, 2007
What's This Book About?
From The Tender Bar by J. R. Moehringer:
"I hate when people ask what a book is about. People who read for plot, people who suck out the story like the cream filling in an Oreo, should stick to comic strips and soap operas. . . . Every book worth a damn is about emotions and love and death and pain. It's about words. It's about a man dealing with life. Okay?"
Okay! Pulling this excerpt from page 335 of this 416 page book, I feel, allows me to use the author's own words to describe this excellent and engrossing reading experience. From page one, I was pulled into the world of J. R. Moeringer and found myself reading his words late into the night because I just didn't want to put it down. It's a compelling, emotional memoir, filled with lots of individual stories, all contributing to the plot that is the author's life. I learned to call him JR--never "Junior," and, along with all of his quirky cast of characters centered primarily around a Manhasset, Long Island bar called "Publicans," experience his life as a boy, his foray into manhood, and the secrets he uncovers regarding the strength of one very good woman, his mother. The book is dedicated to her.
It's one of the best written memoirs I've ever read, and a highly entertaining journey. I give The Tender Bar my highest recommendation.
From The Tender Bar by J. R. Moehringer:
"I hate when people ask what a book is about. People who read for plot, people who suck out the story like the cream filling in an Oreo, should stick to comic strips and soap operas. . . . Every book worth a damn is about emotions and love and death and pain. It's about words. It's about a man dealing with life. Okay?"
Okay! Pulling this excerpt from page 335 of this 416 page book, I feel, allows me to use the author's own words to describe this excellent and engrossing reading experience. From page one, I was pulled into the world of J. R. Moeringer and found myself reading his words late into the night because I just didn't want to put it down. It's a compelling, emotional memoir, filled with lots of individual stories, all contributing to the plot that is the author's life. I learned to call him JR--never "Junior," and, along with all of his quirky cast of characters centered primarily around a Manhasset, Long Island bar called "Publicans," experience his life as a boy, his foray into manhood, and the secrets he uncovers regarding the strength of one very good woman, his mother. The book is dedicated to her.
It's one of the best written memoirs I've ever read, and a highly entertaining journey. I give The Tender Bar my highest recommendation.
February 28, 2024
Recently, Philip Pullman tweeted inquiring if there is a literary society based on merit. One commentator posed the question, “What do you define as merit?” Pullman responded, “You know it when you see it.”
The Tender Bar wasn’t my pick—it was my book club’s pick, so I didn’t know anything about it other than it being a memoir.
As I began the book, JR is frantically searching the radio stations for his absent father’s voice—he is a radio personality at a local station. This profound vivid imagery is no accident. To craft this powerful moment so expertly with such flawless prose is not beginner’s luck. Which made me curious….who was this guy?
Oh. He is the ghostwriter for Shoe Dog (the story of the founder of Nike) and Spare (Prince Harry’s memoir). Shoe Dog…..that book captivated me, mesmerized me so much that I remember exactly where and when I read that book. Even five years later, the euphoria I felt reading that book……
So Moehringer can write. Full stop.
In The Tender Bar, JR is a boy growing up without his father. He grows up in his grandfather’s quaint but overflowing house, and a local bar provides unconditional love and support as well as intellectual conversations.
This book was first published in 2005, and I think that’s relevant because that was before TikTok. This was before Facebook was available to anyone with an email address. Most people didn’t even have a smartphone. Books could meander, take their time, instead of catering to five-second attention spans…myself included.
Perhaps I am jaded because I grew up with a deadbeat parent, but I kept thinking, “Even if JR’s father lived with him, it wouldn’t be a good experience. JR’s ideal would not match the reality.” At 14 or 15, I told my own deadbeat that I didn’t want to sit on the couch anymore at their house waiting to go home.
Moehringer has a sophisticated vocabulary, and he writes authentically, masterfully capturing the irrational, naïve yet radiant faith a child has in a less-than-stellar parent and how he struggles to forge his identity, but the book went on for a bit too long. About 100 to 200 pages should have been cut.
Exceptional story but a touch too long.
How much I spent:
Electronic text – Free through Libby
Audiobook – Free through Libby
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The Tender Bar wasn’t my pick—it was my book club’s pick, so I didn’t know anything about it other than it being a memoir.
As I began the book, JR is frantically searching the radio stations for his absent father’s voice—he is a radio personality at a local station. This profound vivid imagery is no accident. To craft this powerful moment so expertly with such flawless prose is not beginner’s luck. Which made me curious….who was this guy?
Oh. He is the ghostwriter for Shoe Dog (the story of the founder of Nike) and Spare (Prince Harry’s memoir). Shoe Dog…..that book captivated me, mesmerized me so much that I remember exactly where and when I read that book. Even five years later, the euphoria I felt reading that book……
So Moehringer can write. Full stop.
In The Tender Bar, JR is a boy growing up without his father. He grows up in his grandfather’s quaint but overflowing house, and a local bar provides unconditional love and support as well as intellectual conversations.
This book was first published in 2005, and I think that’s relevant because that was before TikTok. This was before Facebook was available to anyone with an email address. Most people didn’t even have a smartphone. Books could meander, take their time, instead of catering to five-second attention spans…myself included.
Perhaps I am jaded because I grew up with a deadbeat parent, but I kept thinking, “Even if JR’s father lived with him, it wouldn’t be a good experience. JR’s ideal would not match the reality.” At 14 or 15, I told my own deadbeat that I didn’t want to sit on the couch anymore at their house waiting to go home.
Moehringer has a sophisticated vocabulary, and he writes authentically, masterfully capturing the irrational, naïve yet radiant faith a child has in a less-than-stellar parent and how he struggles to forge his identity, but the book went on for a bit too long. About 100 to 200 pages should have been cut.
Exceptional story but a touch too long.
How much I spent:
Electronic text – Free through Libby
Audiobook – Free through Libby
Connect With Me!
Blog Twitter BookTube Facebook Insta
July 13, 2008
Started out fairly well and held my interest until he went to Yale. From that point on, I would read a few sentences from each paragraph and eventually skip pages to just finish the book. Interestingly, the experience is similar to a night that starts pleasantly with a charming storyteller and a few drinks; at first it is enjoyable and the story is interesting, but as the storyteller continues drinking and becomes more and more verbose and self-absorbed, going on and on about people you do not know who are fascinating only to storyteller and no one else, your eyes start to glaze over and your mind wanders. Eventually you attempt a graceful exit; unfortunately storyteller, who due to alcohol consumption sees himself as Socrates, continues his angst-ridden rambling, now peppering his story with platitudes, lessons learned and "deep thoughts" seemingly penned by Jack Handey. Surprisingly, storylines that should have been delved into deeply are skipped over, as in a family fight that leaves him no longer speaking to his close friend and cousin McGraw; the disappearance of Uncle Charlie (where is he? Dead? Wandering the streets as a homeless person? Abducted by aliens?) The sudden decision to quit drinking (AA? Rehab? No revelations on how he found himself lying in the gutter in a puddle of vomit and urine, and told himself it was time to quit?) The deaths of Grandma and Grandpa in the same year, which precipitated the family fight over the estate--they died of ?
This book needs a good editor and a rewrite.
This book needs a good editor and a rewrite.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 24, 2016
Here's the thing. I'm a writer. I'm not a proofreader or an editor. When I read, I read for the pleasure of a good story with memorable, honest (not cardboard) characters. I'm not hard on other writers' work, unless they really disappoint me. An occasional repeat of an expression, a dropped comma, a misused semicolon -- none of these bother me unless they stop the read cold, and only then, if I can't pick it up again. It happens. I'm not a complete masochist, but I have noticed that most of the books in that pile come from big publishing houses and "blockbuster" writers with hugely successful series. I have only once read an Indie Novel that I couldn't finish. Indie Authors create and craft their stories outside of the editorial and sales pressures that mold much of what fills the Best Holiday Books lists. For me, a spark of originality and a pleasing way with words goes a long way.
October 21, 2023
5 stars
short review for busy readers: A funny, touching memoir of NY Times journalist, JR Moehringer's younger years. How he grew up with a strong mother, an absentee father and had to overcome his own shadow and the legacy of alcoholism. If you enjoy autobiographies of 'normal' people (vs celebrities) like Angela's Ashes, then this is one for your WTR shelf.
In detail:
I'm not a memoirs/autobiography fan, but picked up this 6 CD audio book at a flea market because it was read by my favourite reader, German actor Ulrich Noethen. If Ulrich read the phone book, I'd listen -- multiple times.
But beyond his wonderful reading style, I very quickly became engaged in the story of young JR's troubled childhood in Manhasset, NY, about 17 miles from NYC.
Vividly drawn, funny, and self-critical, Moehringer traces his life from early childhood to about the age of 26 when he became a full-time journalist, placing great emphasis on how important the masculine atmosphere of one particular bar was to him.
Not only is the book a touching memorial to the bar, which closed with the death of its owner in the early 90s, but also to JR's resolute mother and the various men who helped him on his journey into manhood.
I've seen this theme crop up before, mostly in fiction. How random older men will take a random young boy temporarily under their wing and help him - normally in material ways or with advice - into manhood. I've NEVER seen that with women.
What random older women help a random girl get a moped for cheap so she's mobile? Loan her music and books to culture her beyond the national curriculum reading list? Give her money and stock tips so she can be financially stable, free legal advice for dealing with authorities, or act as a cheering squad for every small achievement on her road to womanhood? (Yeah, I can't think of any. If they do, they're always relatives.)
There is much solidarity among men, and this memoir shows that off in a grand and wonderful fashion.
Every young person should have just such a Tender Bar.
short review for busy readers: A funny, touching memoir of NY Times journalist, JR Moehringer's younger years. How he grew up with a strong mother, an absentee father and had to overcome his own shadow and the legacy of alcoholism. If you enjoy autobiographies of 'normal' people (vs celebrities) like Angela's Ashes, then this is one for your WTR shelf.
In detail:
I'm not a memoirs/autobiography fan, but picked up this 6 CD audio book at a flea market because it was read by my favourite reader, German actor Ulrich Noethen. If Ulrich read the phone book, I'd listen -- multiple times.
But beyond his wonderful reading style, I very quickly became engaged in the story of young JR's troubled childhood in Manhasset, NY, about 17 miles from NYC.
Vividly drawn, funny, and self-critical, Moehringer traces his life from early childhood to about the age of 26 when he became a full-time journalist, placing great emphasis on how important the masculine atmosphere of one particular bar was to him.
Not only is the book a touching memorial to the bar, which closed with the death of its owner in the early 90s, but also to JR's resolute mother and the various men who helped him on his journey into manhood.
I've seen this theme crop up before, mostly in fiction. How random older men will take a random young boy temporarily under their wing and help him - normally in material ways or with advice - into manhood. I've NEVER seen that with women.
What random older women help a random girl get a moped for cheap so she's mobile? Loan her music and books to culture her beyond the national curriculum reading list? Give her money and stock tips so she can be financially stable, free legal advice for dealing with authorities, or act as a cheering squad for every small achievement on her road to womanhood? (Yeah, I can't think of any. If they do, they're always relatives.)
There is much solidarity among men, and this memoir shows that off in a grand and wonderful fashion.
Every young person should have just such a Tender Bar.
July 8, 2011
I found this book by reading Andre Aggasi's memoir, "Open", in which he describes how taken he was by "The Tender Bar" and how this led to his collaboration with J.R. Moehringer. I was equally engrossed in the book and could hardly put it down over the course of a week or so during which I read the entire thing (which, for me, is 2x-3x my normal turnover rate for a book of comparable length).
The book is a wonderful memoir of a tough childhood (J.R. Moehringer grew up without a father in his life) of a boy with some very obvious intellectual gifts. Despite these gifts, the story is really one of a boy trying to find his identity and discover what it means to be a man.
The chapters in which Moehringer describes his first romances, first with a girl named Lana and then with his real heartbreak, Sydney, are some of the best writing on teenage lust and falling in love that I have encountered. Moehringer beautifully captures the feeling of falling in love with a beautiful girl, and then the devastating heartache when the romance comes to an end.
The memoir is part comedy, as Moehringer has an exceptional sense of humor, and part tragedy, as we are taken through Moehringer's struggles, disappointments and let downs that we can all relate to. We also see, through Moehringer's friends at Publican's, how sad life can be for those who have given up on it.
Moehringer also describes with exceptional clarity his love of books, and the education that he got from a couple of bookstore misanthropes, Bill and Bud, followed by his eventual break by getting acceptance into Yale University.
Having read "Open", and now "The Tender Bar", I am looking forward to reading another Moehringer book should he choose to write one.
The book is a wonderful memoir of a tough childhood (J.R. Moehringer grew up without a father in his life) of a boy with some very obvious intellectual gifts. Despite these gifts, the story is really one of a boy trying to find his identity and discover what it means to be a man.
The chapters in which Moehringer describes his first romances, first with a girl named Lana and then with his real heartbreak, Sydney, are some of the best writing on teenage lust and falling in love that I have encountered. Moehringer beautifully captures the feeling of falling in love with a beautiful girl, and then the devastating heartache when the romance comes to an end.
The memoir is part comedy, as Moehringer has an exceptional sense of humor, and part tragedy, as we are taken through Moehringer's struggles, disappointments and let downs that we can all relate to. We also see, through Moehringer's friends at Publican's, how sad life can be for those who have given up on it.
Moehringer also describes with exceptional clarity his love of books, and the education that he got from a couple of bookstore misanthropes, Bill and Bud, followed by his eventual break by getting acceptance into Yale University.
Having read "Open", and now "The Tender Bar", I am looking forward to reading another Moehringer book should he choose to write one.
July 12, 2018
Barincentro
JR Moehringer è il biografo di Agassi (Open). Avrei voluto leggere un suo romanzo ed invece ho scoperto che “Il bar delle grandi speranze” è la storia della sua vita. Le note finali al testo fanno pensare che sia quella vera, segnata da un episodio cruciale: essere abbandonato dal padre quando era ancora in fasce.
JR crescerà con la madre i nonni, gli zii e gli avventori del bar Dickens, un manipolo di filosofi alcolizzati che lo instraderanno sul sentiero del vizio dalla più tenera età. Il libro ha vari richiami letterari, il più ricorrente è per il grande Gatsby che secondo JR fu ambientato da Fitzgerald proprio nei luoghi dove si trova il bar delle grandi speranze. Siamo infatti nell’ East Egg (New York), le vicende coprono un arco di tempo che va dai primi anni 70 al nuovo millennio. La galleria dei personaggi (di cui JR scrive di aver ricevuto licenza di riportare i nomi reali) è lunga come quella della linea metropolitana rossa di New York. Avrei preferito una maggiore sintesi e l’esclusione di alcuni brani a torto enfatizzati, in quanto del tutto trascurabili. JR ammette di cercare insistentemente negli avventori del bar un sostituto del padre che aveva minacciato di morte la madre prima di fuggire in un’altra città. I suoi incontri con il genitore carichi di speranza e di successiva amara delusione scandiscono tutto il suo processo d crescita, danno ritmo al libro. Fra essi forse il più straziante è quello in cui il padre promette di accompagnarlo ad una partita di baseball e poi non si presenta. JR bambino lo aspetta inutilmente per ore fuori dalla casa materna, vestito con i colori della sua squadra del cuore. Il libro celebra la madre che lo ha sostenuto e spronato facendo mostra della solidità granitica che lui aveva cercato in tutte le figure maschili con le quali era venuto in contatto
Anche se siamo attratti, temo, da ciò che ci abbandona, o promette di abbandonarci, alla fine credo che sia quel che ci accoglie a segnarci.
Chissà se è come scrive Moehringer, a livello conscio i rifiuti e gli abbandoni ci segnano parecchio, l’accoglienza lavora sotto traccia, quella acquisita la diamo per scontata, ci arrabattiamo ad inseguire che ci sfugge quando abbiamo un porto sicuro dove rientrare.
Ho scritto più volte della mia passione per le liste di libri nei libri
«Cosa state leggendo adesso a scuola?» chiese Bill. «La lettera scarlatta.» «Ti piace?» «È un po’ noioso.» «È naturale» intervenne Bud. «Non sai come collocarlo. Hai tredici anni.» «Veramente ne ho compiuti quattordici il...» «Sai tutto della lussuria e niente della vergogna» fece Bud. «Ha bisogno di una salutare dose di Jack London» osservò Bill. «Che ne dici di Twain?» «Anche. Ma il ragazzo viene dalla costa orientale. Dovrebbe leggere gli scrittori di New York. Dos Passos. Wharton. Dreiser.»
«Dreiser! Vuoi che diventi un cinico come te? E poi nessuno legge più Dos Passos. Dos Passos è passé. Se vuole leggere qualcosa sulla costa orientale, meglio Cheever.» «Chi è Cheever?» domandai. Si voltarono lentamente verso di me. «Questo chiude la questione» disse Bud. «Vieni con me» fece Bill. Mi portò nel reparto narrativa e tirò giù tutti i libri di John Cheever, compresa l’imponente raccolta di racconti che era appena stata pubblicata.
Mi sono segnato anche questa notazione:
Doveva essere semplice ma complesso, conciso ma lirico, hemingwayano e jamesiano allo stesso tempo.
Mi sembrano 4 aggettivi ottimi per descrivere due autori così diversi.
Nella mia vita non c’è mai stato un bar delle grandi speranze, ma c’è sempre stato un bar. Più che spaccio d’alcolici era un luogo d’incontro. Gli uomini durante la mia infanzia andavano “a veglia”. Andare “a veglia” è stata una tradizione esclusivamente maschile che è durata più o meno un secolo (il 900) e che adesso, qui in provincia, non esiste quasi più. l bar che un tempo chiudevano a notte inoltrata, ora alle 20.00 tirano giù le serrande. Che le donne rimanessero a casa per le faccende domestiche e gli uomini andassero al bar era la normalità. “A veglia” si giocava a carte si parlava di lavoro e politica, “a veglia” si tirava fino a tardi, fino all’ultima sigaretta che era l’ultima solo finché non veniva accesa quella successiva. Di quell’epoca ho alcuni screen shoot, eccone uno:
Pozzino
E' stato commentatore Sky quando ancora Sky non esisteva. Era un critico totale: costume, politica, calcio e ovviamente carte. Passava giornate intere ai tavolini del Circolo Endas a rimbrottare il malcapitato di turno. Non scendeva mai in campo, dalla sua prospettiva vedeva le carte del malcapitato e dell'avversario, aveva dunque una visione avvantaggiata del gioco e la faceva valere con commenti nei quali non perdonava nessun errore. Era lo spauracchio dei capelloni, li detestava, evidentemente assimilandoli ai contestatori dei decenni precedenti.
Ricordo ancora la mia incredulità quando la barista HariHaan, mi raccontò di averlo visto commuovere e piangere come un bambino. Aveva l'aspetto di un uomo burbero e cattivo, HariHaan ci spiegò che invece era un uomo isolato e sensibile, in un'epoca in cui un bar poteva ancora svolgere il ruolo di aggregatore sociale, dove commentare una partita a carte era un modo per sperar di essere ascoltati da qualcuno, di lenire la solitudine.
---------
La colonna sonora non l’ho scelta io
Era un ritratto in musica della luna, mi aveva spiegato Bud, ma di colpo sembrava un canto sulla memoria, sul suono misterioso prodotto dal passato quando lo rievochiamo.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG9aW...
JR Moehringer è il biografo di Agassi (Open). Avrei voluto leggere un suo romanzo ed invece ho scoperto che “Il bar delle grandi speranze” è la storia della sua vita. Le note finali al testo fanno pensare che sia quella vera, segnata da un episodio cruciale: essere abbandonato dal padre quando era ancora in fasce.
JR crescerà con la madre i nonni, gli zii e gli avventori del bar Dickens, un manipolo di filosofi alcolizzati che lo instraderanno sul sentiero del vizio dalla più tenera età. Il libro ha vari richiami letterari, il più ricorrente è per il grande Gatsby che secondo JR fu ambientato da Fitzgerald proprio nei luoghi dove si trova il bar delle grandi speranze. Siamo infatti nell’ East Egg (New York), le vicende coprono un arco di tempo che va dai primi anni 70 al nuovo millennio. La galleria dei personaggi (di cui JR scrive di aver ricevuto licenza di riportare i nomi reali) è lunga come quella della linea metropolitana rossa di New York. Avrei preferito una maggiore sintesi e l’esclusione di alcuni brani a torto enfatizzati, in quanto del tutto trascurabili. JR ammette di cercare insistentemente negli avventori del bar un sostituto del padre che aveva minacciato di morte la madre prima di fuggire in un’altra città. I suoi incontri con il genitore carichi di speranza e di successiva amara delusione scandiscono tutto il suo processo d crescita, danno ritmo al libro. Fra essi forse il più straziante è quello in cui il padre promette di accompagnarlo ad una partita di baseball e poi non si presenta. JR bambino lo aspetta inutilmente per ore fuori dalla casa materna, vestito con i colori della sua squadra del cuore. Il libro celebra la madre che lo ha sostenuto e spronato facendo mostra della solidità granitica che lui aveva cercato in tutte le figure maschili con le quali era venuto in contatto
Anche se siamo attratti, temo, da ciò che ci abbandona, o promette di abbandonarci, alla fine credo che sia quel che ci accoglie a segnarci.
Chissà se è come scrive Moehringer, a livello conscio i rifiuti e gli abbandoni ci segnano parecchio, l’accoglienza lavora sotto traccia, quella acquisita la diamo per scontata, ci arrabattiamo ad inseguire che ci sfugge quando abbiamo un porto sicuro dove rientrare.
Ho scritto più volte della mia passione per le liste di libri nei libri
«Cosa state leggendo adesso a scuola?» chiese Bill. «La lettera scarlatta.» «Ti piace?» «È un po’ noioso.» «È naturale» intervenne Bud. «Non sai come collocarlo. Hai tredici anni.» «Veramente ne ho compiuti quattordici il...» «Sai tutto della lussuria e niente della vergogna» fece Bud. «Ha bisogno di una salutare dose di Jack London» osservò Bill. «Che ne dici di Twain?» «Anche. Ma il ragazzo viene dalla costa orientale. Dovrebbe leggere gli scrittori di New York. Dos Passos. Wharton. Dreiser.»
«Dreiser! Vuoi che diventi un cinico come te? E poi nessuno legge più Dos Passos. Dos Passos è passé. Se vuole leggere qualcosa sulla costa orientale, meglio Cheever.» «Chi è Cheever?» domandai. Si voltarono lentamente verso di me. «Questo chiude la questione» disse Bud. «Vieni con me» fece Bill. Mi portò nel reparto narrativa e tirò giù tutti i libri di John Cheever, compresa l’imponente raccolta di racconti che era appena stata pubblicata.
Mi sono segnato anche questa notazione:
Doveva essere semplice ma complesso, conciso ma lirico, hemingwayano e jamesiano allo stesso tempo.
Mi sembrano 4 aggettivi ottimi per descrivere due autori così diversi.
Nella mia vita non c’è mai stato un bar delle grandi speranze, ma c’è sempre stato un bar. Più che spaccio d’alcolici era un luogo d’incontro. Gli uomini durante la mia infanzia andavano “a veglia”. Andare “a veglia” è stata una tradizione esclusivamente maschile che è durata più o meno un secolo (il 900) e che adesso, qui in provincia, non esiste quasi più. l bar che un tempo chiudevano a notte inoltrata, ora alle 20.00 tirano giù le serrande. Che le donne rimanessero a casa per le faccende domestiche e gli uomini andassero al bar era la normalità. “A veglia” si giocava a carte si parlava di lavoro e politica, “a veglia” si tirava fino a tardi, fino all’ultima sigaretta che era l’ultima solo finché non veniva accesa quella successiva. Di quell’epoca ho alcuni screen shoot, eccone uno:
Pozzino
E' stato commentatore Sky quando ancora Sky non esisteva. Era un critico totale: costume, politica, calcio e ovviamente carte. Passava giornate intere ai tavolini del Circolo Endas a rimbrottare il malcapitato di turno. Non scendeva mai in campo, dalla sua prospettiva vedeva le carte del malcapitato e dell'avversario, aveva dunque una visione avvantaggiata del gioco e la faceva valere con commenti nei quali non perdonava nessun errore. Era lo spauracchio dei capelloni, li detestava, evidentemente assimilandoli ai contestatori dei decenni precedenti.
Ricordo ancora la mia incredulità quando la barista HariHaan, mi raccontò di averlo visto commuovere e piangere come un bambino. Aveva l'aspetto di un uomo burbero e cattivo, HariHaan ci spiegò che invece era un uomo isolato e sensibile, in un'epoca in cui un bar poteva ancora svolgere il ruolo di aggregatore sociale, dove commentare una partita a carte era un modo per sperar di essere ascoltati da qualcuno, di lenire la solitudine.
---------
La colonna sonora non l’ho scelta io
Era un ritratto in musica della luna, mi aveva spiegato Bud, ma di colpo sembrava un canto sulla memoria, sul suono misterioso prodotto dal passato quando lo rievochiamo.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG9aW...
March 4, 2010
I really loved The Tender Bar! Any book that can sweep you into a story and its beautifully rendered characters (all the more beautiful, poignant, and powerful because they are real) is worthy of recognition, and I found this memoir to be fascinating and enormously moving. It was also interesting from its snapshot of a slice of American and local history: Manhasset, Long Island, in the 70s and 80s and into the early 21st century. The author, being raised by his mother in her father's dysfunctional home, lived right down the street from the Publicans bar where his uncle worked and where the bar patrons became the author's family. Telling the story cannot do it justice. Moehringer's (and his mother's) run of bad luck and the consequences of repeated poor judgment could be too dark and depressing if it weren't for his uncanny sense of humor, powers of observation, and willingness to expose himself, warts and all, to the reader. Yes, there were times you wanted to kick him in the seat of the pants, but it appears he finally found his own footing.
My only quibble is that after a wonderfully rich telling of his childhood and early adulthood, there is a conspicuous ten-year gap as the story jumps abruptly from his first job as a journalist and what appears to be a downward slide towards alcoholism to the end of the book where he has clearly stopped drinking, has become a recognized journalist, and finally appears to have gained a healthy perspective on his past.
The scenes in the bar and the many conversations, over many years, between Moehringer and the bar's zany, wonderful patrons were filled with laugh-out-loud hilarity, philosophical depth, fascinating bondings and break-ups, and unspoken rules and behaviors that engendered fierce loyalty and unexpected tenderness. The intersection of Moehringer's personal story with the events of 9-11 and its impact on the characters and the community were especially moving.
My only quibble is that after a wonderfully rich telling of his childhood and early adulthood, there is a conspicuous ten-year gap as the story jumps abruptly from his first job as a journalist and what appears to be a downward slide towards alcoholism to the end of the book where he has clearly stopped drinking, has become a recognized journalist, and finally appears to have gained a healthy perspective on his past.
The scenes in the bar and the many conversations, over many years, between Moehringer and the bar's zany, wonderful patrons were filled with laugh-out-loud hilarity, philosophical depth, fascinating bondings and break-ups, and unspoken rules and behaviors that engendered fierce loyalty and unexpected tenderness. The intersection of Moehringer's personal story with the events of 9-11 and its impact on the characters and the community were especially moving.
March 23, 2010
Just read for book club. Its an easy read. I guess I was interested in his life and the history on Long Island makes it easy to identify with. I just feel like I have been down this road before with a memoir. Dysfunctional family, overcoming it all and going to Yale, etc..etc...and does he whine about it. He never stops!
He continues to show the people in his life addicted to alcohol, drugs, and gambling in a postive light - even when sometimes the outcome of such a life is horrible- he still holds them up on some kind of pedestal.
I thought often while reading it - that he should have read more Charles Bukowski for a dose of what bar flies are really like - and maybe hung around some men his own age a bit more often instead of a bunch of old losers.
Jeez - JR - go out in city once in awhile while you were working there instead of rushing back to a hole in the wall every night - and maybe you wont be so depressed...
He continues to show the people in his life addicted to alcohol, drugs, and gambling in a postive light - even when sometimes the outcome of such a life is horrible- he still holds them up on some kind of pedestal.
I thought often while reading it - that he should have read more Charles Bukowski for a dose of what bar flies are really like - and maybe hung around some men his own age a bit more often instead of a bunch of old losers.
Jeez - JR - go out in city once in awhile while you were working there instead of rushing back to a hole in the wall every night - and maybe you wont be so depressed...
March 2, 2024
Barfly
I received J. R. Moehringer's memoir, "The Tender Bar," as a gift from someone who knew I was a reader of the underground writer Charles Bukowski (1920 --1994) whose novels and poems deal with hard drinking in squalid flats, poverty, horseracing, and exploits with women. His story "Barfly" became a movie some years ago.
But there is in fact little resemblance between Moerhinger and Bukowski. Moehringer is a successful reporter, a graduate of Yale, a fellow at Harvard, and the recipient of a Pulitzer prize. Moehringer's book tells the story of his troubled early life and of his experiences in a tavern called "Dickens" and subsequently "Publicans" in his hometown of Manhasset, Long Island. Manhasset is about 17 miles from New York City and formed the setting, as Moerhinger frequently reminds his readers, of Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby." His voice is more ambitious and literary than that of Bukowski, a great deal more social (Bukowski frequently drank alone), and much less given to failure, violence, and self-loathing. Moehringer explores how he was able to make a success of his life while Bukowski dramatizes his near-continuous pattern of failure.
Moehringer shows the reader how Dickens and the many men who frequented it (Women figure in the bar as well, but Moehringer was not particularly aware of them as a child.)became important to him as male figures when his father abandoned his family early in his son's life. Moehringer's mother, the hero of this story, unskilled, young, and ambitious for her son struggled valiantly to raise him and young JR (we hear too much in the story of the origins of this name)felt heavily weighed from childhood through early adulthood by his mother's expectations. As a young boy, he experienced the life and camaraderie of the bar as a source of fellowship and an escape from the problems of life. Moehringer shows how the bar both shaped and made the author even while it came close to destroying him.
The book reads well with scenes and passages of eloquence, but it is uneven. I tended to grow impatient with the lengthy scenes in Dickens and with many of the characters who seemed to me oversentimentalized. (There are some exceptions. I enjoyed reading about Moehringer's companion named "Bob the Cop"). I had difficulty sharing or even understanding, in some places, Moehringer's attraction to the bar or to the life he describes and which, eventually, he escapes. It seems to me a harsher, less romantic life than he would have the reader believe.
Some of the scenes in the book that deal with the author's sexual and romantic experiences are well done. But the real interest of the book lies in the unexpected detail and picture, more often than not outside the bar. Thus we meet Bill and Bob, two eccentric middle-aged proprietors of a used-book store in Phoenix who introduce young JR to the love of books. In a chapter called "Father Amtrak" JR receives memorable and sage advice from a priest he meets on a train, as he worries about his grades at Yale and his breakup with his girlfriend. There are some excellent scenes between JR and his childhood friend, McGraw, an aspiring major league pitcher, which inspire JR to toughen himself and to move forward, and some memorable discussions of books and the rewards of reading between JR, Bob the Cop and others. The Preface of the book is well-written, giving a good overview of Dickens and its place in the author's life. The concluding Epilogue is also thoughtful and ties the story together. Thus, while there is some sentimentality and misdirection in this book, the story and the protagonist ultimately come through.
I think this book is more a tribute to a mother's love, to the value of persistence through adversity, and to a growing devotion to reading, writing, and wisdom than it is to the world of pubs such as Dickens. It is a good inspiring read and a worthy first effort.
Robin Friedman
I received J. R. Moehringer's memoir, "The Tender Bar," as a gift from someone who knew I was a reader of the underground writer Charles Bukowski (1920 --1994) whose novels and poems deal with hard drinking in squalid flats, poverty, horseracing, and exploits with women. His story "Barfly" became a movie some years ago.
But there is in fact little resemblance between Moerhinger and Bukowski. Moehringer is a successful reporter, a graduate of Yale, a fellow at Harvard, and the recipient of a Pulitzer prize. Moehringer's book tells the story of his troubled early life and of his experiences in a tavern called "Dickens" and subsequently "Publicans" in his hometown of Manhasset, Long Island. Manhasset is about 17 miles from New York City and formed the setting, as Moerhinger frequently reminds his readers, of Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby." His voice is more ambitious and literary than that of Bukowski, a great deal more social (Bukowski frequently drank alone), and much less given to failure, violence, and self-loathing. Moehringer explores how he was able to make a success of his life while Bukowski dramatizes his near-continuous pattern of failure.
Moehringer shows the reader how Dickens and the many men who frequented it (Women figure in the bar as well, but Moehringer was not particularly aware of them as a child.)became important to him as male figures when his father abandoned his family early in his son's life. Moehringer's mother, the hero of this story, unskilled, young, and ambitious for her son struggled valiantly to raise him and young JR (we hear too much in the story of the origins of this name)felt heavily weighed from childhood through early adulthood by his mother's expectations. As a young boy, he experienced the life and camaraderie of the bar as a source of fellowship and an escape from the problems of life. Moehringer shows how the bar both shaped and made the author even while it came close to destroying him.
The book reads well with scenes and passages of eloquence, but it is uneven. I tended to grow impatient with the lengthy scenes in Dickens and with many of the characters who seemed to me oversentimentalized. (There are some exceptions. I enjoyed reading about Moehringer's companion named "Bob the Cop"). I had difficulty sharing or even understanding, in some places, Moehringer's attraction to the bar or to the life he describes and which, eventually, he escapes. It seems to me a harsher, less romantic life than he would have the reader believe.
Some of the scenes in the book that deal with the author's sexual and romantic experiences are well done. But the real interest of the book lies in the unexpected detail and picture, more often than not outside the bar. Thus we meet Bill and Bob, two eccentric middle-aged proprietors of a used-book store in Phoenix who introduce young JR to the love of books. In a chapter called "Father Amtrak" JR receives memorable and sage advice from a priest he meets on a train, as he worries about his grades at Yale and his breakup with his girlfriend. There are some excellent scenes between JR and his childhood friend, McGraw, an aspiring major league pitcher, which inspire JR to toughen himself and to move forward, and some memorable discussions of books and the rewards of reading between JR, Bob the Cop and others. The Preface of the book is well-written, giving a good overview of Dickens and its place in the author's life. The concluding Epilogue is also thoughtful and ties the story together. Thus, while there is some sentimentality and misdirection in this book, the story and the protagonist ultimately come through.
I think this book is more a tribute to a mother's love, to the value of persistence through adversity, and to a growing devotion to reading, writing, and wisdom than it is to the world of pubs such as Dickens. It is a good inspiring read and a worthy first effort.
Robin Friedman
January 25, 2012
Oh, the damage an absent father can do. No-show, no-care dads practice a different brand of abuse than fathers who use their fists, but the distinction is lost on the little boy waiting curbside for a dad who isn’t coming. Given a choice, the boy might even opt for corporal punishment over icy indifference.
J.R. Moehringer captures the lives of many such boys in his poignant memoir, “The Tender Bar.” Moehringer’s radio personality dad was MIA so often, he came to think of his dad as “The Voice,” and kept a radio close in case his father happened to be on the air. Young Moehringer’s longing for a stronger connection came coupled with enormous, un-childlike stress to ease the burden on his hard-working mom.
The selfishness and irresponsibility required to pretend a son or daughter doesn’t exist must be unimaginable to most parents. Indeed, the most fearsome thought any parent can conjure is losing a child, and having to live on knowing that the joyous march toward all of life’s markers –graduations, marriages, grandchildren and the rest – has abruptly ended.
Yet Moehringer’s father chose to abandon his wife and son, failing to provide moral or financial support. A boy needs a dad or something close. So Moehringer wandered into the nearby neighborhood bar – the “Tender Bar” - and found his surrogates, a wonderful collection of colorful, irreverent, hard-drinking, fast-talking philosophers who took him to the beach and taught him much of what he needed to learn.
An interesting sidebar is that when tennis star Andre Agassi read this book, he knew Moehringer was the one to write his own life story. Read “Open,” and you’ll see that Agassi, too, had a dad who was never up for father of the year.
Tender Bar is not a depressing read. Parts are sad, parts are laugh-aloud funny. Think of it as a survival story, and an inspiring one at that. Moehringer writes as you would imagine him talking to you in his Long Island saloon over a few beers.
Like Agassi, I’m giving him all five stars.
October 2, 2007
Jeesh. I picked this up for my husband's birthday and decided to read it myself. I was so excited. I got it from a local book store where one of the book clerks wrote an amazing review. I thought it was going to be about bar culture and the magical and redemptive qualities that can be found in your local bar/pub. I was wrong. It's mostly a memoir of Moehinger's boyhood and college days at Yale. The lack of male role models is a constant and boring theme that runs throughout the book. The love of his mother...how he wants to care for her....yadda yadda. I found myself not caring after a while. Which is a shame, really, because you get the feeling that Moehinger is a good guy with an interesting story to tell. But I could not help but feel, when reading this, that I was watching one, long, maybe more seedy epidsode of The Wonder Years. NYTimes notable book and bestseller for those of you who care.
March 1, 2023
Autobiografía, libro de memorias, o novela de autoficción. Como quiera Dios que lo llame, lo cierto es que estamos ante un gustazo de lectura, escrito por un exquisito contador de historias, de esos que te dejarían absorto escuchando alrededor de una hoguera.
Moehringer nos habla de sus recuerdos de infancia y juventud, sus travesuras, sus amoríos, sus peripecias en definitiva que le llevaron a convertirse de niño a hombre; y lo hace fundamentalmente contando sus encuentros en torno a los parroquianos de un bar, sus familiares y amigos (todos son lo mismo en su caso) y que marcaron su vida irreversiblemente.
Lo curioso es que Moehringer juega contigo: consigue contarte la vida (su vida) de un alcohólico irremisible, por muchos momentos un fracasado perdedor, un tío que hace una oda a la bebida, que sus mejores amigos son más fracasados que él, con una familia patética, y unas motivaciones más patéticas todavía. Pero lo hace con una sensibilidad tal, con un romanticismo y un apasionamiento que te da hasta envidia. Joder, si hasta quieres ser un borracho tú también. Porque lo hace tan bien, que te acaba convenciendo. y lo empiezas y lo acabas disfrutando, porque no puede estar mejor escrito. No se puede contar una vida mejor.
Si Agassi leyó esto (y ya sabemos cómo se las gastaba Agassi), se comprende que también lo quisiera para él. Porque a mí también me gustaría que Moehringer contara así mi vida.
4.5
Moehringer nos habla de sus recuerdos de infancia y juventud, sus travesuras, sus amoríos, sus peripecias en definitiva que le llevaron a convertirse de niño a hombre; y lo hace fundamentalmente contando sus encuentros en torno a los parroquianos de un bar, sus familiares y amigos (todos son lo mismo en su caso) y que marcaron su vida irreversiblemente.
Lo curioso es que Moehringer juega contigo: consigue contarte la vida (su vida) de un alcohólico irremisible, por muchos momentos un fracasado perdedor, un tío que hace una oda a la bebida, que sus mejores amigos son más fracasados que él, con una familia patética, y unas motivaciones más patéticas todavía. Pero lo hace con una sensibilidad tal, con un romanticismo y un apasionamiento que te da hasta envidia. Joder, si hasta quieres ser un borracho tú también. Porque lo hace tan bien, que te acaba convenciendo. y lo empiezas y lo acabas disfrutando, porque no puede estar mejor escrito. No se puede contar una vida mejor.
Si Agassi leyó esto (y ya sabemos cómo se las gastaba Agassi), se comprende que también lo quisiera para él. Porque a mí también me gustaría que Moehringer contara así mi vida.
4.5
Read
June 4, 2020Un giovane Holden che voleva diventare un grande Gatsby scoprendo, poi, di avere più la vena di un Bukowski…
J.R. Moheringer cresce solo con sua madre nella casa fatiscente dei nonni e coltivando fin da piccolo il culto per il bar dove lavora suo zio Charlie: il Dickens poi ribattezzato Pubblicans ( «Publican è chi gestisce un pub, un barista.»).
”Ho finito per applicare il mimetismo imparato al Dickens alla gente che incontravo fuori dal bar: amici, amanti, genitori, capi, persino sconosciuti. Il bar mi ha inculcato la tendenza a trasformare ogni persona che mi capitava davanti in un mentore, o in un personaggio, ed è merito -
e colpa - del bar se sono diventato un riflesso, o una rifrazione, di ognuno di loro.”
Un mèmoir che racconta una storia di dolori e fallimenti che si acquietano solo sullo sgabello di un bar, anzi:
Del Bar.
L’unica cosa che il padre gli lascia è un nome imbarazzante mentre tutti quelli che lo circondano si preoccupano che non cresca effeminato per la mancanza di figure maschili (!!!!) e all'unisono recitano il fastidioso il mantra che accompagnerà la crescita di questo Pip di Manhasset*:
«Sii uomo»
«Sii uomo»
«Sii uomo»
«Sii uomo»
«Sii uomo»
……
Poi, per fortuna, arriverà il giorno in cui, guardando sua madre, capirà:
”Chino in avanti sul divano del bicentenario, fissai gli occhi verde-bruno di mia madre e capii che lei incarnava tutte le virtù che io associavo alla virilità: solidità, perseveranza, determinazione, affidabilità, onestà, integrità, coraggio. Ne ero sempre stato vagamente consapevole, ma in quel momento, vedendo per la prima volta quale guerriero si nascondeva dietro l’aria assente di mia madre, lo compresi fino in fondo e riuscii a esprimerlo in parole. Non ho fatto che cercare e desiderare il segreto per essere un brav’uomo, mentre non dovevo far altro che seguire l’esempio di un’ottima donna.”
Lettura molto scorrevole che mi lascia un bel elenco di libri, dei dischi di Sinatra (che lascio volentieri sullo sgabello) e un quadro di Hopper…
1942
* ---Pip è il protagonista di “Grandi speranze” di Dickens-
Manhassset è un pittoresco sobborgo di ottomila abitanti a una trentina di chilometri a sud-est di Manhattan ---
[Non metto stelline a (auto) biografie, mémoir affini ma sicuramente è stata una lettura gradita]
J.R. Moheringer cresce solo con sua madre nella casa fatiscente dei nonni e coltivando fin da piccolo il culto per il bar dove lavora suo zio Charlie: il Dickens poi ribattezzato Pubblicans ( «Publican è chi gestisce un pub, un barista.»).
”Ho finito per applicare il mimetismo imparato al Dickens alla gente che incontravo fuori dal bar: amici, amanti, genitori, capi, persino sconosciuti. Il bar mi ha inculcato la tendenza a trasformare ogni persona che mi capitava davanti in un mentore, o in un personaggio, ed è merito -
e colpa - del bar se sono diventato un riflesso, o una rifrazione, di ognuno di loro.”
Un mèmoir che racconta una storia di dolori e fallimenti che si acquietano solo sullo sgabello di un bar, anzi:
Del Bar.
L’unica cosa che il padre gli lascia è un nome imbarazzante mentre tutti quelli che lo circondano si preoccupano che non cresca effeminato per la mancanza di figure maschili (!!!!) e all'unisono recitano il fastidioso il mantra che accompagnerà la crescita di questo Pip di Manhasset*:
«Sii uomo»
«Sii uomo»
«Sii uomo»
«Sii uomo»
«Sii uomo»
……
Poi, per fortuna, arriverà il giorno in cui, guardando sua madre, capirà:
”Chino in avanti sul divano del bicentenario, fissai gli occhi verde-bruno di mia madre e capii che lei incarnava tutte le virtù che io associavo alla virilità: solidità, perseveranza, determinazione, affidabilità, onestà, integrità, coraggio. Ne ero sempre stato vagamente consapevole, ma in quel momento, vedendo per la prima volta quale guerriero si nascondeva dietro l’aria assente di mia madre, lo compresi fino in fondo e riuscii a esprimerlo in parole. Non ho fatto che cercare e desiderare il segreto per essere un brav’uomo, mentre non dovevo far altro che seguire l’esempio di un’ottima donna.”
Lettura molto scorrevole che mi lascia un bel elenco di libri, dei dischi di Sinatra (che lascio volentieri sullo sgabello) e un quadro di Hopper…
1942
* ---Pip è il protagonista di “Grandi speranze” di Dickens-
Manhassset è un pittoresco sobborgo di ottomila abitanti a una trentina di chilometri a sud-est di Manhattan ---
[Non metto stelline a (auto) biografie, mémoir affini ma sicuramente è stata una lettura gradita]
April 29, 2022
3 stars
This one I have had on my bookshelf for over 10 years. It took having access to the movie to pull it off the shelf. However, I know better than to read the book, then watch the movie prior to writing my review. I tend to mix and match between the two when writing my review. I do know that the overall atmosphere in the movie was much more upbeat than in the book. Being able to see and hear Uncle Charlie's friends was more joyful than reading about it.
Uncle Charlie was actually the hero, the one who owned the bar and came up with the money to send JR to college, but never ever said as much. He took care of his brothers child, and everyone else, as well as he knew how, without ever expecting any accolades. If a bar scene education was the measure of growing up in that family, JR got the best of the best. Although his love for his mother was strong, JR returned time and again, as he grew into a man, especially when things were not as good as they could be, to his Uncle Charlie's bar, for the comfort of how he was raised and who he wanted to be.
This one I have had on my bookshelf for over 10 years. It took having access to the movie to pull it off the shelf. However, I know better than to read the book, then watch the movie prior to writing my review. I tend to mix and match between the two when writing my review. I do know that the overall atmosphere in the movie was much more upbeat than in the book. Being able to see and hear Uncle Charlie's friends was more joyful than reading about it.
Uncle Charlie was actually the hero, the one who owned the bar and came up with the money to send JR to college, but never ever said as much. He took care of his brothers child, and everyone else, as well as he knew how, without ever expecting any accolades. If a bar scene education was the measure of growing up in that family, JR got the best of the best. Although his love for his mother was strong, JR returned time and again, as he grew into a man, especially when things were not as good as they could be, to his Uncle Charlie's bar, for the comfort of how he was raised and who he wanted to be.
June 13, 2012
This is an incredibly honest book by an incredibly good story teller. JR grew up with an absent father and ended up with many "fathers", and one enormously strong and dedicated mother. I, too, grew up with an absent father and an enormously strong and dedicated mother so I could relate to much of his emotional upheaval at times. My heart was breaking when his father didn't show up after telling him he would be there to take him to a baseball game.
During my reading of this book, I also saw a half-hour interview with him on the internet and I enjoyed that as much as the book. He was articulate, charming, forthright, well-spoken, and his voice was as pleasant as he describes his father's.
My one wish for this book would have been PICTURES!! I even scoured the web looking for pictures of his Publican "fathers" (Uncle Charlie, Bob the Cop, Joey D, Cager, Smelly, FmeBabe, Colt, Bobo, Steve, Fast Eddy, General Grant), McGraw, Grandma and Grandpa, Aunt Ruth and especially Dorothy, his mother. He dedicated his book to his mother - wouldn't it have been great to see that wonderful woman's picture?!
This is a book I won't soon forget!
I read this review that I found so insightful, from someone called "Pomperation" on June 11, 2008:
"The less than 5 star reviewers are not understanding this story. JR's memoir is not about a bar, not about avoiding a life of achoholism, not about whining over misfortune, and not about overcomming childhood challenges. The real story here is sharing boldly and courageously what it is like to grow up fatherless. JR speaks for all of us men who grew up without fathers and his medium is great storytelling. While "growing up" we really were always searching for the right templates for manhood. We would grab ahold of anyone who paid attention! That could be good and that could be bad, but fortunatly for our author, the men at the bar were ultimately a good influence, not all of them as career path role models, but certainly as "man models" and that is what was needed. It is impossible (no criticism) for individuals who grew up with a father to empathize. This is not whining, it is just plain being honest and sharing what it is like. JR's memoir resonates with all of us "fatherless boys" and he must be reviewed from that perspective. For those of you who would like to know what goes through our minds and our orientation to the world, this is great primer/story. BRAVO JR."
During my reading of this book, I also saw a half-hour interview with him on the internet and I enjoyed that as much as the book. He was articulate, charming, forthright, well-spoken, and his voice was as pleasant as he describes his father's.
My one wish for this book would have been PICTURES!! I even scoured the web looking for pictures of his Publican "fathers" (Uncle Charlie, Bob the Cop, Joey D, Cager, Smelly, FmeBabe, Colt, Bobo, Steve, Fast Eddy, General Grant), McGraw, Grandma and Grandpa, Aunt Ruth and especially Dorothy, his mother. He dedicated his book to his mother - wouldn't it have been great to see that wonderful woman's picture?!
This is a book I won't soon forget!
I read this review that I found so insightful, from someone called "Pomperation" on June 11, 2008:
"The less than 5 star reviewers are not understanding this story. JR's memoir is not about a bar, not about avoiding a life of achoholism, not about whining over misfortune, and not about overcomming childhood challenges. The real story here is sharing boldly and courageously what it is like to grow up fatherless. JR speaks for all of us men who grew up without fathers and his medium is great storytelling. While "growing up" we really were always searching for the right templates for manhood. We would grab ahold of anyone who paid attention! That could be good and that could be bad, but fortunatly for our author, the men at the bar were ultimately a good influence, not all of them as career path role models, but certainly as "man models" and that is what was needed. It is impossible (no criticism) for individuals who grew up with a father to empathize. This is not whining, it is just plain being honest and sharing what it is like. JR's memoir resonates with all of us "fatherless boys" and he must be reviewed from that perspective. For those of you who would like to know what goes through our minds and our orientation to the world, this is great primer/story. BRAVO JR."
November 21, 2022
O carte de memorii, în primul rând. În al doilea rând, un omagiu adus cuvintelor, poveştilor şi cãrților.
July 5, 2017
La evolución de un niño y su paso de la infancia a la edad adulta. Las relaciones familiares en especial con su madre, su referente. En todo ello está el bar, como un Lugar ritual donde el protagonista va desvelando su vida.
Aunque me ha gustado, la trama me ha parecido un poco irregular, no ha conseguido engancharme del todo,y a ratos se me ha hecho largo. Sin embargo la prosa Es muy buena y la historia estar real y cotidiana como la vida misma.
Aunque me ha gustado, la trama me ha parecido un poco irregular, no ha conseguido engancharme del todo,y a ratos se me ha hecho largo. Sin embargo la prosa Es muy buena y la historia estar real y cotidiana como la vida misma.
November 21, 2007
i found this to be a memoir with a lot of heart but little literary value. what moehringer does very well is create a vivid atmosphere, using dialogue in particular to paint a picture that you can easily imagine as if you were in the room with him. i read in a separate review that the most interesting thing about the author is the people he knows - and it's true, the characters in this book are very colorful and tend to overshadow moehringer's self-absorbed drama. another reason to enjoy the book was the pure feel-good-ness of the story: the author faces obstacles (daddy issues, unrequited love, alcoholism, bad life choices in general), he overcomes them, and you can't help but find yourself cheering for him. you also wish you could be a part of the in-crowd at the bar of the book's title, the place the author returns to at the end of what seems like every day of his young life.
however, all memoirs are always pretty hit-or-miss with me because of the structural problems they inevitably pose. if you want to write a story about your life, you need to sift through all the infinite events that you could possibly include in order to come up with a narrative that is thematically coherent. moehringer is only moderately successful at this. i was especially disappointed that he gave such short shrift to his struggles with alcoholism later in life and how he ultimately sobered up. much more time is wasted on cliched descriptions of his first relationship, which we know is obviously going to fall apart. my last criticism has to do with writing style. i'm not entirely sure how moehringer manages to simultaneously sound like he's trying too hard and yet also like his target audience is the dumbed-down drunkards at his cherished bar.
one last note: as someone who went to harvard, i'd like to point out that moehringer's repeated descriptions of yale as "the best school in the country" are just factually incorrect. :)
however, all memoirs are always pretty hit-or-miss with me because of the structural problems they inevitably pose. if you want to write a story about your life, you need to sift through all the infinite events that you could possibly include in order to come up with a narrative that is thematically coherent. moehringer is only moderately successful at this. i was especially disappointed that he gave such short shrift to his struggles with alcoholism later in life and how he ultimately sobered up. much more time is wasted on cliched descriptions of his first relationship, which we know is obviously going to fall apart. my last criticism has to do with writing style. i'm not entirely sure how moehringer manages to simultaneously sound like he's trying too hard and yet also like his target audience is the dumbed-down drunkards at his cherished bar.
one last note: as someone who went to harvard, i'd like to point out that moehringer's repeated descriptions of yale as "the best school in the country" are just factually incorrect. :)
April 22, 2016
Uf, amé este libro. No porque hable de una vida ejemplar, ni de una vida desgarradora, tampoco porque trate sobre unos personajes que voy a recordar para siempre. Es una vida ordinaria pero que él la convierte en especial: con sus palabras, con sus recuerdos, con sus reflexiones y con su humor y situada en ese Bar tan entrañable, hace un recuento nostálgico de sus pasos y sus tropiezos, amores y desamores, amigos y familia.
¿Quién de nosotros no tiene una historia por contar? Lo maravilloso es que él se atreve. Y la cuenta bastante bien. Bastante bien. Largo. Pero delicioso.
Eso si: Me sigue chocando que no me responda mi twitter donde lo felicito.
¿Quién de nosotros no tiene una historia por contar? Lo maravilloso es que él se atreve. Y la cuenta bastante bien. Bastante bien. Largo. Pero delicioso.
Eso si: Me sigue chocando que no me responda mi twitter donde lo felicito.
November 29, 2021
Solo había leído a este autor en la biografía de André Agassi, que escriben a cuatro manos, y desde entonces estaba deseando leer algo "suyo". Me encontré esta novela en un Kindle Flash sin saber de qué iba y me he encontrado con una maravilla de novela de formación, una autobiografía de sus primeros años emotiva y original que he disfrutado en cada página (aunque es, quizá, demasiado larga para mi gusto). Muy recomendable. Una pluma perfecta.
July 28, 2022
I think memoir is the genre that is the rarest genre to find a great book, but it’s heights might be the highest. This is an exceptional memoir - funny, vivid, moving, insightful, honest, self-deprecating.
January 6, 2010
I initially fell in love with this memoir, and for 150 pages could not put it down. This is when Moehringer describes his childhood in a dysfunctional broken-down home in Long Island and his search on the radio air waves for his missing father's voice. He writes hauntingly and convincingly of his childhood anxieties, much of which center on protecting his mother, and his drive to take care of her. He describes his early discovery of the neighborhood bar, where his Uncle Charlie worked, and found it supplied the role models (of a sort) and the warmth and comraderie that his home life lacked. Unfortunately, there was also a tremendous amount of alcohol, and it took Moehringer far too long to find how addicted he was to the bar. It was like the security blanket his mother quietly and secretly snipped into a swatch, only Meohringer has no way to wean himself from the bar. He writes about his time at Yale tediously. He was ill-prepared, and nearly flunked out, but doesn't seem to have found himself, or truly grown there. Too much of a focus on puppy love to realize he is coming perilously close to screwing up his best chance at a different life. He then flunks out of the New York Times' erstwhile training program, and stays in his dead-end job as a copy boy far too long. No word how he kicked alcohol, or how he became a Pulitzer-prize winning journalist. He simply arrives at the end of the book and those two things have occurred. By the end, his relationships with those in the bar don't deepen, they simply marinate. And for me, closing the book by coming back to his hometown to see how it was affected by 9/11 gets off track. We want to hear about his catharsis, not the town's. Like some books and drinking nights, this one attempts to cover too much ground. Paring it down would have helped both.
April 23, 2007
While reading, I wrote this:
Working on it. Mom's book club. Came in a box with Valentine's Day goodies, including:
- A heart-shaped potholder
- Cups with hearts on them
- Candy hearts
- A heart-shaped PEZ dispenser
- Pink footie socks
- 3 or maybe 4 V-Day cards, they keep turning up in odd places, like wedged into The Tender Bar.
- Pink rubber duckies with hearts on them
- My camera battery charger
A good story. A bicentennial sofa. A little deliberate, but I'm still going.
After reading, I write this:
It got old fast.
Rich girls, broken hearts, alcoholism, SNOOZE.
My Mom's hairdresser didn't even like it.
Working on it. Mom's book club. Came in a box with Valentine's Day goodies, including:
- A heart-shaped potholder
- Cups with hearts on them
- Candy hearts
- A heart-shaped PEZ dispenser
- Pink footie socks
- 3 or maybe 4 V-Day cards, they keep turning up in odd places, like wedged into The Tender Bar.
- Pink rubber duckies with hearts on them
- My camera battery charger
A good story. A bicentennial sofa. A little deliberate, but I'm still going.
After reading, I write this:
It got old fast.
Rich girls, broken hearts, alcoholism, SNOOZE.
My Mom's hairdresser didn't even like it.
July 15, 2017
Publicans, the bar where the author found his mojo, has just been rechristened in Manhasset. I guess it's pretty telling that I liked a 5 star and a 1 star review, because both made valid points about the book. On the positive side, Moehringer writes well (for a Yalie anyway), but his life is a mess, with a deadbeat, absentee father, and a mother barely able to keep them afloat, shuttling between living with her parents or trying to make it in their own place. The other highlight is the zany characters at home (Uncle Charlie, his cousin), the bar, and his college girlfriend, Sidney. In fairness, it all gets tiring, repetitive and predictable.
October 11, 2012
5 stars! My friend Beth wanted me to read this for ages! I still have tears in my eyes at the poignancy of this memoir.
I don't think I can write a review of The Tender Bar. I just really liked it and am happy I read it and would tell others to read it too. It is very sad though.
It's amazing how well he wrote, using such great descriptive words that you really could almost feel you were right there with him experiencing it all.
I'd recommend it!
I don't think I can write a review of The Tender Bar. I just really liked it and am happy I read it and would tell others to read it too. It is very sad though.
It's amazing how well he wrote, using such great descriptive words that you really could almost feel you were right there with him experiencing it all.
I'd recommend it!
August 29, 2014
Dear J. R. Moehringer, this is one of the best memoirs I've ever read. I finished it in tears. Kudos!
October 24, 2015
This book was great. It has a great story & I couldn't put it down! It was a highly enjoyable read.
October 5, 2008
Not a bad memoir; not particularly gripping, but very vivid in its way of person-description-by-storytelling. Probably the least "woe is me, I'm a drunk" and most interesting "look how I became a reporter for Times" book out there. And still, it became rambly. About two-thirds of the way through, I wondered why so many pages remained and what Moehringer could possibly have left to tell me that was so darned important. I hate when the story seems over and the book keeps going. Of course, I claim to hate when the story seems UNfinished and the book ends more, but I suppose that's a much better way to end a book--leave the reader wanting. Always a good sign for the author, anyway.
I could easily see The Tender Bar becoming a cult classic within reading groups, but it didn't blow me away. What can I say--I'm a tough audience. I'd recommend this one more strongly to males, particularly the intellectual types. It's about male-bonding, after all, and I imagine many of them would relate to the issues Moehringer explores.
I could easily see The Tender Bar becoming a cult classic within reading groups, but it didn't blow me away. What can I say--I'm a tough audience. I'd recommend this one more strongly to males, particularly the intellectual types. It's about male-bonding, after all, and I imagine many of them would relate to the issues Moehringer explores.
May 28, 2008
I really enjoyed this book. I found myself laughing out loud while reading it. The book is basically about his coming of age and most of it takes place at a local pub on Long Island where his uncle was a bartender. I really like his style and how the chapters are like short stories, yet they follow a timeline. I really got to like the author; he reminds me of a straight version of Sedaris or Borroughs.
The missing star is mainly a pet peeve I have about the epilogue, which I recommend you skip. This was recommended to me as well, but curiosity got the better of me. The epilogue is about 5 pages of a heartfelt- yet irrelevant- personal experience regarding 9/11. The rest of the book took place in the 80s. I appreciate that in a book about his life, an author may pick and choose what is important to highlight, but I disagree with the choice to use this particular blurb in his epilogue. For me, its inclusion felt very trite.
The missing star is mainly a pet peeve I have about the epilogue, which I recommend you skip. This was recommended to me as well, but curiosity got the better of me. The epilogue is about 5 pages of a heartfelt- yet irrelevant- personal experience regarding 9/11. The rest of the book took place in the 80s. I appreciate that in a book about his life, an author may pick and choose what is important to highlight, but I disagree with the choice to use this particular blurb in his epilogue. For me, its inclusion felt very trite.
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